Well, another new year has arrived, right on schedule. It's that time when many of us decide to alter trajectories and social media is filled with all the best wishes and best intentions. I haven't done resolutions in many years. I'm a big picture person who chafes under rules and schedules, so I've pivoted in recent years to the "one word focus" thing, and it seems to work for me. 2018 was my first year to do this, as an activity with the local chamber of commerce women's group. The years after that have been a convening of a small group of close friends, begun in a fancy, purposeful way, with vision boards and bracelet-making and earnestly describing our reasoning. Now we just tend to meet for dinner and unfold our words with quietly murmured affirmations and a gentle support that comes with deep respect, though I suspect we're also more tired now. My own word selection process is to think about what my life seems to be missing, how I've grown in the last year, and what I think I need or want next, just for me. I look up the definitions of words that come to mind, wear them around like a warm shawl, and settle into the word that feels like the right fit.
So, my first word, in 2018, was "Truth", which was an attempt to remind myself that people, including myself, do not always recognize or acknowledge what is true, and in fact, we each tend to live in our own little truth bubble. The personal aspect of this was a hard lesson for me, but learned and remembered.
Any actual recording of 2019's word has been lost, but memory tells me it was "Grace". The fact that I could actually give myself grace was a fairly new concept to me, but I knew I needed it. My work environment had become a toxic firepit and to keep going, I needed at least one person in my world to say "there's nothing wrong with you, you're doing the best you can, this is not your problem". The best person to do that turned out to be me, and the more grace I gave myself, the more grace I was somehow able to give others. Best word ever, and I keep it very close to me at all times.
By the time 2020 rolled around, I was learning to live with my mid-2019 diagnosis of CLL and knew that grace alone wasn't going to help me save myself. So I chose "Intentional" as my 2020 word. The work stress was manifesting physically within me, and I needed to take better care of myself. That meant being very, very intentional with how I spent my time and energy, and taking a hard look at how I wanted to live my life, as opposed to how I was stumbling through my days. I also wanted to be intentionally present in my relationships. But, suddenly, we were all gripped in a global pandemic and I very intentionally and happily retired to go home and wait it out. This also became the year I began to implement a whole new set of boundaries, which have to be completely intentional or they don't work.
2021 decided that one cancer and a pandemic weren't enough, and I drew the breast cancer card. When I chose my word "Become" alone at home on New Year's Eve, still unsure exactly what was going on except that the radiologist had said "pretty sure it's cancer", I had no idea how 2021 would end for me. Maybe early, who knew? But I wanted to spend whatever life I had becoming the fullest version of myself that I could. My gratitude for this year is unending. I got ALL the gifts of life - presence, love, celebration, vulnerability, health, and more years. But I was also glad I had already been practicing grace and intention.
By the time 2022 rolled around, I was feeling pretty good about surviving cancer AND covid, so 2022's word was "Explore". I felt like I'd spent the last couple of years shucking decades of expectations, and had my whole self back. I wrote life lists of what I wanted more of, things I was curious about, things I would never do again, and started planning. I explored a lot. I added new podcasts to my regular rotation, with more people who share amazing ideas and ways to be. I started following and reading writers who touched my heart, and I tossed myself into a writing world with people I didn't know and found a brilliant new open space to revel in. I took trips with dear friends, tried out a couple of part time jobs, and made new friends. I strengthened my workouts with a new trainer, and started exploring energy and healing work. I gently stepped back into social activism in ways that work for me. 2022 was a pretty good year.
Now I'm taking all these pieces and rolling into 2023 with the word "Build". I'm building a new version of me, new relationships and support systems for myself, and a new way of moving through the universe. I'm building a creative practice and community, with a new capacity for joy and wonder. And I'm building new courage and confidence that comes from a place of deep vulnerability and self-love, that I hope may be useful to others as they build their best lives. And I will do it with all the continued grace and intention I can muster. Happy new year, friends.
